I heard we made out
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
