u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
