Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
