I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize