He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I skipped work to stalk him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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