May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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