I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
