It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
