Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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