i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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