then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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