I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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