he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
