Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
