The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
