WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
