we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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