Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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