If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
