just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
