you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
