Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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