youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
