We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
