Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
