my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
