I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
