Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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