And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
