Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
