Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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