some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
