Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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