He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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