i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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