oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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