if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
