I think my fart just growled at me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
