those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are the jesus of drinking
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize