watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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