Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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