I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize