Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize