the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
