So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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