My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
did i just pee glitter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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