Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize