shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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