okay pat passed out under dana's car
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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