Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
