Life is so much better after having sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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