11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
