Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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