I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
