I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
