It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
