I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
