you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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