but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
